And That Is That

"Mother, I can never come home again,
cos I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere,
somewhere in a field on the Isle of Wight."

(Cocker, Jarvis 1995)

You'd hope that things can only get LESS pretentious after you open a blog post with a quote, and considering that the wonders mentioned in this edition of The Hardcore and The Gentle include a man-size, all-flashing, all-boogying robot called Titan and an eight year-old dancing around dressed as a 10 foot alien, I think we're safely moving back in to less-than-Pulitzer-winning territory. Such spectacles were, of course, to be found at this year's Bestival, during which Rob Da Bank proved yet again why his Isle of Wight shindig is really the only festival worth going to. Now, as Kanye West might interject at this point, I'mma let you finish but Bestival 2008 was some of the best fun of my life - despite a heavy mud and rain presence - so this year had a tough act to follow. Soaked in sun, however, and with a line-up even better than last year, there was little chance that Monsieur Da Bank would fall flat on his face and end up being labelled a jackass by Obama. So without further ado, here's a brief lil run-down of the weekend's cosmic happenings...

Friday

For me, Friday kicked off with an introduction to a bit of Latin ballroom dancing in the form of a Rumba lesson in the Come Dancing, er, construction. An edifice that couldn't really be described as a tent, the wooden, 1930s dancehall-esque set-up of Come Dancing is glorious fun. Hosting a number of hour-long classes which teach a variety of hops, jigs and shuffles, and led by a chap who refers to himself as 'Warren Peace', Come Dancing is great fun and an excellent way to pass time in the early afternoon when perhaps the pick of the bands and DJs are yet to come. In terms of live music, my first Bestival act was Gilles Peterson in the ever-superb Bollywood Tent. If you want to boogy, any time of day, you go to Bollywood. If you want to boogy to the most eclectic mix of world music, jazz, funk and basically everything and anything you can conceive of shaking your tail-feathers to, you go to Gilles Peterson at Bollywood. In high spirits, we mooched around the festival site for a while after GP, reveling in the colours and the costumes that had invaded Robin Hill country park for the weekend. Next came Florence & the Machine, who delivered a great set despite the sound and location downfalls that it was becoming clear were plaguing the Main Stage (relocated from last year after all the mud troubles). Next on the Main Stage came the Dewaele brothers in their first incarnation of the night, as part of their live band Soulwax, and they did not disappoint. The sound seemed to have been corrected slightly on the stage, meaning that their live fusion of original Soulwax tracks and Soulwax remixes was given the strong technical support it deserved.

Hang on, this is all going too perfectly! Quick! Someone stink the place out! Ahhh, thank-you MGMT. Someone had to take the bullet of flopping on stage, and the American 3-trick ponies decided to step up to the plate. They adeptly proved why they're only really known for three songs, and the time in their performance between Time to Pretend, Electric Feel and Kids was the kind of uninspiring filler that could be a strong contender for 'Elevator Music of the Year' award. Even when Kids finally appeared (probably at the end, no further tunes registered on my radar whether they were being played or not), the crowd seemed to be putting more effort than the band in to the performance simply by doo-dooing along to the hook, while the undynamic duo wandered aimlessly around the stage. All this after a 45 minute delay as well. What a pair of twits. After the Main Stage had been given a thorough spraying in Oust to cover up the stench left by MGMT, the first headliners of the festival, Massive Attack, made their way on stage. I still can't quite decide to what degree I liked MA; they were certainly enjoyable and the performance was good, but I didn't find it particularly captivating. They seemed to disregard the fact that Teardrop is to date their biggest hit, and quite probably the sole reason some of the crowd were there watching them, as it passed by inconspicuously in a uber-gentle and minimalistic fashion half-way through the set. Nevertheless, Massive Attack don't make music to get a crowd of 20,000 people rocking and throwing their hands in the air, and it was certainly a fine example of live trip-hop.

After the main bands, I set off on the dance tent circuit. Justin Robertson delivered a typically strong set in Bollywood, and was followed by Fake Blood, who was equally great. We decided to leave mid-Blood to catch the last bit of 2manydjs' set in the Big Top, which wasn't a particularly worthwhile move for me personally as it turned out to just be exactly the same set I'd witnessed in Benicassim a few months earlier. Bit boring, but the set itself is pretty entertaining.

Saturday

This "brief lil run-down" is promising to turn in to a post that is neither brief nor little, but is definitely run-down. Festival-wise, the dilapidation carried on nicely in to Saturday, where Diplo and his Mad Decent Soundsystem were bringing the tropical noise in the Big Top. The skankin' kicked off for me with Major Lazer, who all you The Hardcore and The Gentle nuts out there (your numbers have reached 277 million in 26 different countries, according to most recent statistics) may remember I was sceptical about in a previous posting. The scepticism still lingers, seeing as their album just isn't anything that special, but their live act is pretty solid. While the MC stormed about the stage, bumping and grinding with the dancers and scaling the rigging of the tent, Diplo and Switch dutifully pumped out their brand of tropical baile funk, albeit with a lack of anything extraordinary. Major Lazer were then made to seem even more average by their successor to the Big Top stage, Boy 8-Bit, who delivered one of the best sets of the weekend, which included his recent ace Florence & The Machine remix (available for download below). Next came my second favourite Portugese export of all time (after Nandos), Buraka Som Sistema. The level of crunk-ness instantly rose from 'fairly crunk' to 'you crunk my battleship', and the predominately white middle-class crowd was flexing like a bunch of Angolan street dancers, getting down and dutty to the sound of kuduro.

As with many things in life however, this dancehall madness was to be interrupted by a group of knob-twiddling Germans dressed as robot dummies. I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Kraftwerk, but they ended up producing one of my favourite shows of the whole festival. Standing almost motionless behind their laptops for the entire performance, their gently pulsating low-key techno washed over the Main Stage field, full of delightfully rubbish lyrics and accompanied by a spectacular light show. Then over to the modern-day kingpin of techno, Erol Alkan, for what was probably his best set of the eight times I've now seen him. Surely electronic music can't get any better than what I'd already witnessed tonight? Oh. Wait. DJ Yoda. Right. It would be hard to imagine that any of the other 200 or so performances at this year's Bestival were more entertaining than the one delivered by the Jedi master of turntablism, performing his live audio/visual show which chops video and sound clips together at an amazing rate. Yoda is the king at knowing just what the audience wants, and his 1 hour and a half set opened with a clip from Rob Da Bank's own video blog, and included shoes being thrown at George Bush, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Tetris, Susan Boyle, Inspector Gadget and a fat man singing along to Paper Planes, all soundtracked by a mash of electro, dubstep, hip-hop, drum and bass, classic rock, Tetris theme tunes... you name it, Yoda played it. A truly awesome show, the chants of 'Yoda, Yoda' at the end are probably still echoing around the depths of the Isle of Wight countryside.

Sunday

This post is really starting to bug me, due to it's length, the fact that I'm now writing it a good week and a half after the festival finished, and not least because in doing so my heart is aching to be back there and I'm having to resist the urge to straight away splash what little money I have left on a ticket for next year. If you've actually read this far in the blog then congratulations, you've read further than 98% of other readers who probably rightly high-tailed it off this page after scrolling down and seeing just how long this post is. But for those who have made it thus far, as a little treat we'll take a break from all this text for a moment and gaze at a picture. The picture is actually of a naked man collapsed on the floor of a Bestival disabled portaloo, with excrement smeared on various parts of his body and the toilet crammed to the point of overflowing: http://h.imagehost.org/view/0158/bestival. Let's just for one moment ignore the likelihood that, due to being in the disabled toilets, this man could well be disabled and this scene may be the result of a horrible accident relating to his handicap, AND also ignoring any sense of puzzlement as to how I came across such a picture and why I decided to repost it on here, and let's just concentrate on having a jolly good giggle at some naked poo bloke's expense while heartily spewing up our guts at the same time.

Due to the realisation that I've just used up valuable music reviewing space with a review of a shit-smeared muggins, and a desire to get this post over and done with pronto, Sunday's spectacles will be summed up in bullet point form:

• Speech Debelle - No point in disguising the fact that this post has had a massive drop-off in quality for quite a few lines now, so might as well come clean that I actually saw Speech Debelle on the Saturday, not Sunday, but forgot to include her in that bit and am too lazy to go back and correct it. Drawn by her recent Mercury Prize win, I was pleased to have seen her live but her show was a bit boring, and she was slightly swamped by the large setting of the Big Top. Songs sounded better on the album.
• DJ Derek - A fairly non-spectacular daytime line-up meant that it reached 7pm before we finally felt compelled to head to the arena, seeking out the veteran beats of 67 year-old reggae spinna DJ Derek. His set was packed with reggae and ska classics and left me cursing the fact that I hadn't visited the Afterburner stage before now - a flame-shooting tower that had apparently been borrowed from Glastonbury, this stage definitely seemed like a winner and will hopefully return next year. Here's an interesting nugget of information by the way: according to Wikipedia, DJ Derek has visited every single Wetherspoons pub in the UK. Blimey.
• The Field - I was muchos excited about seeing this Swedish producer performing in a live set up, and I was not to be disappointed. Accompanied by a very good drummer and some other bloke doing something with some machinery, The Field played a mix of songs from both his new and old albums, adding a new dimension to each track through the live performance. Great set.
• Squarepusher - The second instalment of Big Top Sunday madness came from Squarepusher, performing on bass guitar with his laptop and other electronic instruments as well as a live drummer. I was really quite sure that I knew what 'mental' meant before this set, but as it turns out - I was wrong. Squarepusher himself was clad in an orange tracksuit and a little floppy hat, and his on-stage routine consisted of slapping away at his bass like there was no tomorrow, then pausing briefly to give a little point in to the crowd, before merrily resuming his slapping. This cycle occurred many times during the performance, while all the while the crowd was half-dancing, half-spasming to the incessant scattering of beats and funky bass. In many ways, a really mind-blowing performance.
• Carl Cox - Rounding off the night in the Big Top was techno legend Carl Cox. Playing an old skool set consisting of early 90's rave, which was often gloriously cheesy, Mr Cox proved just why he's known as one of the best DJs on the planet. And as if the night hadn't been barmy enough up to this point, he was joined on stage half-way through by a 'robot' the size of a tall man, who proceeded to plod around the stage and do the robot, metallic suit flashing all the while. After a while Carl decided to have a chat with his companion, asking, "Alright Bestival robot, how ya feeling?", to which the robot, in a fully robot-y tone of voice, replied, "This insanity just gets crazier, and crazier".

And that, I feel, is the perfect quote to end on. Nothing sums up the nature of Bestival like a giant flashing robot addressing a crowd of people dressed as a variety of galactic beings while in the middle of an old skool techno set. Fun, freaky, fantastic. See ya next year, Rob Da Bank.

Five of the best of all from Bestival

• Major Lazer - Pon De Floor - This song was everywhere over the weekend, including appearing 3 times in as many DJ sets we witnessed on Saturday night alone.
• M.O.P. - Ante Up - This was oddly probably the second most played song I heard over the weekend, with inclusions in DJ Yoda's set and Rob Da Bank's festival finale set.
• Kraftwerk - Computer Love - An example of the many fine tunes that the German outfit played suring their Saturday headline set.
• Squarepusher - A Real Woman - The type of bonkers hyper-funk that the 'pusher performed.
• Florence & The Machine - Drumming Song (Boy 8-Bit Remix) - THE tune of the weekend. Dropped at the end of Boy 8-Bit's own set, it was made all the sweeter having seen Florence belt out her original version on the Main Stage the day before. Immense remix.

And now, following growing worldwide frustration that culminated in these angry scenes in Bolivia which were attributed by local media to "a lack of peng beats", here is the long-awaited return of...

Songs I'm Currently Loving:

• Gold Panda - Mayuri
• Jaylib feat. Talib Kweli - Raw Shit
• Boris Brejcha - Der Krieg Der Maschinen
• Orbital - Halcyon (Tom Middleton Re-Model)
• Bei Bei & Shawn Lee - Make Me Stronger (Floating Points Remix)

Much Love.

Bestival

Certain things in life are overrated. The Ramones, for instance. The Inbetweeners. Most American foods. Free periods at school. All might seem "cool" or "sexy" or "big and clever" at first, but when it comes to pouring the milk on the cornflakes they're exposed to be stale and unsavoury, and you find yourself miserably tipping the contents down the plug-hole. Bestival, however, is truly a pint of Cravendale's finest. Run by Radio 1's Rob Da Bank (who, by the by, recorded a damn fine Fabric Mix which is well worth tracking down) and set on the (probably) picturesque Isle of Wight, Bestival is a festival that transcends the usual festival experience and offers you a vast array of treats and distractions - so much so that you might well find yourself wandering around a forest the whole day, sitting on plastic toadstools and pretending to be a little fairy man, before slumping back in to your tent in a blissful daze and drifting off in to a contented slumber, thus entirely missing a whole Saturday's-worth of music. Including The Sugarhill Gang. And Aphex Twin (not together, you muggins). IT DOESN'T MATTER THOUGH, as all of this is wrapped up neatly in a bundle of good vibes and friendly atmospheres, so any music that may be going on is simply a nice little bonus to the already great times that you will be having. However, having an amazing array of music on the line-up sure does make that nice little bonus all the sweeter.

Here are a selection of acts on this year's bill that I think are well worth checking out if you're going, or cyber-investigating if you're in the sorry position of not having a ticket and aren't already aware of them. Needless to say, Elbow will not be appearing on this list. In fact, they should have led the list of 'overrated things' at the start of this post; they are truly cack. Since they won the Mercury Prize and were added as headliners to my two festivals this year, I've been earnestly trying to 'get' them, to appreciate their music as seemingly everyone else does. However the fiendish little buggers have consistently withheld any indication of their quality from me, and even after patiently standing through their headline set at Benicassim I am still none the wiser as to why they have not been chased from this country and sent in to exile in Boringville. Underworld headlined the Sunday last year: mind-bogglingly immense. Elbow this year: may the Lord have mercy 'pon our souls. Hopefully the following acts should shine some sunlight out of the musical arse that is Elbow.

The Field

Kate Bush-obsessed Swedish techno producer The Field is definitely in my Top 2 to see this year. Following ultra-amazing debut album From Here We Go Sublime in 2007, he's just released the follow-up entitled Yesterday and Today, which I have just downloaded but haven't listened to fully yet so I dunno if it's good. From a bit of listening though I'd say it certainly is. If you haven't come across him already and were put off by the 'techno' of the opening description, then allow me to clarify a bit. His songs are really a bit of techno, a bit of shoe-gaze, a bit of trancey stuff, a bit of ambient bizniz, and, er, all seem to lead back to Kate Bush. Well not ALL of it, really just a couple of tracks on the first album. And his MySpace profile quote. But it's all good stuff, and you should check him out. Here's a track from his new album, a cover of The Korgi's classic 'Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime', which will unfortunately probably be best known for Beck's not-very-good version used in Michel Gondry's not-very-good film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime

And here's a track from debut From Here We Go Sublime: Silent

Right, moving on to...

Diplo/Mad Decent Soundsystem/L-Vis 1990

The Bestival line-up has 'Diplo presents The Mad Decent Soundsystem' listed, which I think is fair to presume is just a glorified way of saying "Diplo's DJing". Which is good, 'cos Diplo is bloody nifty. I saw him at Wax:On in Leeds earlier this year where he was ace, and his Radio 1 Essential Mix from a couple years back is really most enjoyable: http://fiftyonefiftyone.com/2007/09/diplo-essential-mix-91507.html

His Mad Decent label has released a steady stream of bad-ass tunes over the years, including recently the work of Major Lazer, consisting of Diplo himself, along with Switch. Two DJs who are both individually great, but seem to have given birth to a distinctly average creation in ML. Their tropical-infused songs seem more fitted to the dancefloor rather than bedroom listening though, and I will be looking to give them another chance as the Lazer are also playing Bestival this year.

If you've read any music blog in the past 6 months or so then you'll most likely already be clued up to the eyeballs about L-Vis 1990, and until I've finished sifting through the contents of his wheelie-bin then there's really nothing else about him I can add here. For now all you need to know is that I spent ages trying to find this particular tune to upload on here, but have discovered that it's been completely wiped off the face of the free file-sharing world. Which, I'm sure I'll come to realise someday, is probably a good thing. Anyway, here's the YouTube video of United Groove: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI2lUIsSdPs

Martyn

Now, be warned, in this next bit I'm gonna 'go there'. That's right - 'there'. So just a heads up before we go any further. Right - In my opinion, dubstep, 'the sound of the summer', is getting boring. I'm not saying that new dubstep releases are more boring than they were, say, two years ago, I just think there's only so much off-beat, heavily squelching bass that I need in my life. Quite a lot of dubstep tunes literally give me a headache when I listen at home, and I have to turn it off, or switch to something more ambient/shoe-gazy/trancey/techno-y. Much of what once seemed so gloriously shuddering has turned in to over-the-top sample-filled tat, and I don't like it, sir. What's needed, really, is something that will make the nation's 15 year-old's get their little heads in a whirl and think "hey, THAT'S not dubstep?!", before anxiously consulting their FabricLive 37 for guidance. That's why England needs to relinquish control of dubstep, and let the internationalists take over. Flying Lotus and his Brainfeeding chums (Daedelus, Nosaj Thing, Samiyam etc) are just what the doctor ordered, as is a chap from the Netherlands that calls himself Martyn. Forward-thinking music that takes dubstep and mixes it with a whole bunch of other goodies, without even a hint of a Guy Ritchie film snippet thrown in. If you're currently sitting at home scribbling down a list of 'Best Albums of 2009', then Great Lengths should hold a place right near the top. Here's a track from said album: Elden St.

Billed as part of 'Dublime presents Appleblim, Martyn & Reso', that should be a slot well worth catching.

And now, a quick run down of a few other acts that should make this year's Bestival pretty tasty:

• Squarepusher - One of Warp Records' finest, the legendary experiMENTAL producer/DJ should deliver a mind-melting set, so bring a saucepan to collect the drips. Planetarium
• Hudson Mohawke - Another Warpster, HudMo should, er, deliver another mind-melting set. He's got an album coming out in October, so this should be a good chance to have a little peek at material from that. Oh, what's this? A little peek of material from his album EVEN BEFORE BESTIVAL? Christ almighty, this blog is just quite brilliant isn't it. Rising 5
• Massive Attack - You might've heard of them. They're pretty good, really.
• Buraka Som Sistema - Here's a remix they did of an artist that you should sell your grandmother to go and see (but sadly isn't playing at Bestival this year), Lykke Li. She's awesome live. And I could do with your grandmother around the house. Dance Dance Dance (Buraka Som Sistema Remix)
• The Cuban Brothers - There's no trace of sarcasm when I say they'll probably be the most entertaining act you see all festival. Main stage, be there.
• I've saved the most obscure until last, in the form of three female acts who, although probably off your radar at the moment, I predict will soon rise to great things - La Roux, Florence & The Machine, and Little Boots. Don't be scared by these unfamiliar and strange-sounding names, if my finger is as much on the music scene pulse as I believe it is, you'll soon be hearing a lot more from these underground gems.

And thus concludes what is arguably the first proper post this godforsaken blog has produced so far. 1 out of 4 isn't too bad really now is it? As a bonus treat, here's a golden classic, by one of the mega-highlights of last year's Bestival:

George Clinton & Funkadelic - One Nation Under A Groove

Cyaz @ tthe festyval guyz!!!!!! ! ! ! !!!