County Down, part 1

When I was a child, I went on a family holiday to Switzerland. While we were there we took a wee day trip to the Large Hadron Collider, to see if we could spot the Higgs boson for ourselves. However, DISASTER STRUCK. I, convinced that I'd just spotted the Higgs boson bombing past, rushed to the edge of the machine to take a closer look, but in my excited haste I failed to notice a crate of low-fat Dairylea Dunkers that had been set down just beside the collider -I tripped, and was sent tumbling in to the collider.

I cannot recall much of what occurred once I was inside. All I'm aware of is that what I had perceived to be the Higgs boson was in fact Higgs' bassoon, which Higgs was carrying on his way to wind band practice just further down the collider. From then on, my memories are nothing more than blurry, incomplete shapes and whirls, until I suddenly snapped back in to full consciousness to see my family and Dr Fox anxiously peering down at me. Heaven knows how long I was in there until I was fished out, but I appeared to have emerged unscathed.

Or, at least, it appeared that way at first. After I'd been comforted and given a steaming hot mug of cocoa and a low-fat Dairylea Dunker, Dr Fox took me to one side, out of ear shot of the rest of the group. He explained to me that his experiments with the LHC were not quite what the public were being led to believe. Instead of trying to recreate the Big Bang, he whimpered, he had in fact been using the machine to try and recreate Big Brovaz, who at the time had been the height of musical innovation until their tragic volcano-based demise. He explained that if he could just unleash another R&B/hip-hop collective on the world with the talent and vision of Big Bro, then he might finally be able to convince Simon Cowell to revive Pop Idol and give him a slot as a judge again. The good doctor explained that he wasn't sure what, if any, side effects I would feel from my brush with the collider, but that he would personally ensure that I was looked after properly for the rest of my life, and given all the funding and resources I needed to ensure that this experience wouldn't hinder me, and I would be able to build a successful career in the future.

Of course, just like all the others who had received the same pledge from Dr Fox or any other talent show judge, my prospects were soon to implode. I was haunted by my ordeal in the collider: I couldn't sleep properly, I got jittery whenever I heard the sound of a bassoon, and I massively went off low-fat Dairylea Dunkers. Like, MASSIVELY. But the most significant effect of my experience was the most mind-blowing of all: I could now see in to the musical future. I knew as early as 2002 that Take That would reform and that Robbie Williams would fall from stardom, only to return years later with a comeback that everyone heralded as magnificent but in truth wasn't particularly impressive. I had a vision in 1997 that over-the-top europop synths would make passionate love with the scrag-end of the hip-hop world and their offspring would rule the planet, and lo and behold in 2009 the love-children of the affair, Taio Cruz and Tinchy Stryder, stormed the charts. At this very moment, I know that the winner of this year's X Factor (who I can't reveal on here due to legal restrictions) will go on to land the Christmas number one, do fuck all for the next 7-8 months then return to prominence briefly with a series of heavily American-influenced hits interspersed with weak cover versions.

Why am I telling you this? you might ask, probably about 70 lines ago. Well, I've used my superpower of being able to gaze in to the future of music and have decided that there won't be a sufficient amount of stingin' toons released between now and the end of the year to stop me from entering the initial stages of an End Of Year countdown. The top ten has actually already been drafted but will be left for a later date, partly due to the recent emergence of a tune that is making a strong argument to be catapulted to the top end of the list (said tune is to be found in Song's I'm Currently Loving).

So for now, let me present to you the songs that I have listed as 50 - 40 on the list of My Favourite Songs of the Year, and the rest will be portioned out in the coming days and weeks. There's a mixed bag there, so if you pick one out you don't like then just try and swap it with someone else, and for heaven's sake don't just put it back in the mix once your grubby fingers have been all over it. Learn some manners, you filthpot.

- - - I'm providing YouTube links for these as far as is possible, if you wish to own the track then either buy it as I can guarantee that it's propah good, use some form of YouTube song downloading tool, or it could already be on this blog so check tha side list of artists yeah? - - -

50. Jesse Rose - Well Now

49. Lady GaGa - Poker Face

48. Sticky K - Bandari Funk

47. Shitao - We

46. Shackleton - Moon Over Joseph's Burial

45. Zombie Nation - Worth It pt.1

44. Burial & Four Tet - Moth

43. Martyn - Elden St.

42. Luke Vibert - We Hear You

41. Rye Rye feat. M.I.A. - Bang

40. Joy Orbison - Wet Look

So there we go, I hope that's wet your appetite for the even more heavyweight tunes yet to come. Before we get to the customary Songs I'm Currently Loving, in my infinite wisdom I've decided to add even more length to this already lengthy-enough post through the introduction of a new little segment. From now on, the downloading section of each post will also include a 'Classic Track'; that's to say, an absolute gem of musical brilliance that you should own by law, so if you don't already have it then download it fast and avoid a 7 year jail term.

The début Classic Track is a stunning combination of one of the finest voices ever committed to record, enigmatic and beautifully romantic lyrics, and set against a driving yet hypnotically soothing techno backdrop. So please, stop what you're doing, lay yourself down somewhere, and immerse yourself in:

Bjork - Hyperballad

Songs I'm Currently Loving:

• Gemmy - BT Tower - Gemmy combines the best bits of both the past and future of dubstep, with a throbbing filth-fest of a bassline fused with the more atmospheric side of the genre that's becoming increasingly healthier
• DatsiK - Southpaw - more dutty thumps and squelches c/o Datsik, here sampling Wu Tang Clan to create a propah nawty banger of a tune
• Tricky - Slow - I recently discovered the 'Tricky Meets South Rakkas Crew' album and am currently enjoying it greatly, hunt it down if you haven't heard it already.
• Shinichi Osawa - Maximum Joy (Van She Remix) - Another bad-ass album that's recently wandered in to my life is Southern Fried & Tested vol. 2, a compilation released by Norman Cook aka Fatboy Slim's Southern Fried Records. Got some real treats on there, including the next song as well.
• Touché - Vampires - even if you don't think you've heard anything by DJ Touché (one half of The Black Ghosts) before, you have. Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iODdvJGpfIA&feature=related
• Pom Pom - Untitled - I am currently in love with Pom Pom, and this is currently my particular favourite of his hoards of untitled tracks.
• Slagsmalsklubben - Brutal Weapons - one of the few saving graces on the new Kitsuné Maison compilation. Band name is Swedish for 'Fight Club', FYI.
• Four Tet - Love Cry - a lovely bit of new Four Tet, which is a precursor to a new album which should be out early 2010 me believes.
• Ill Mana feat. P-Money - What Did He Say (Remix) - currently my favourite example of the newly crowned 'Greatest Genre In The World' - Bassline (of course)
• Deadboy - U Cheated - This is the song which has thrown my previously nicely settled 'Top 10 Favourite Songs of the Year' in to disarray, as it only got released a few days ago but is already infecting my brain at every given opportunity. Definitely one of the biggest tunes of the year, I only wish it could have revealed itself sooner and saved me the hassle of having to shoe-horn it in on the upper platforms of my End Of Year list.

Bye.

Random album review #5

The Japanese Popstars - We Just Are

I'll level with you - We Just Are is a great album, but I'm boring myself trying to write about it. For an electro house long player, it's good - REALLY good. All the songs are nothing less than banging, and it's full of thumping bass, euphoric build ups and slamming drops. But still it bores me a bit. I think the problem is that it's very four-on-the-floor head nodding music, which when listened to in a bedroom environment has a fairly short shelf life in just one listening session. I'm sure that if I was listening to it via one of The Japanese Popstars' live shows (which are highly rated and widely acclaimed - they're touring at the moment so I hope to catch them soon) then I would be doing nothing but gushing praise for We Just Are, but as it is (I'm currently sitting in my room hunched over my computer, it's a fairly grey day outside) the euphoric build ups are soaring by rather under-appreciated. All of the tunes on the album are obviously designed to have you reaching for the lasers rather than for a cup of tea, and while I can easily appreciate that each of the tracks are finely crafted pieces of dance music they just don't fully inspire when simply listened to on the CD, and really need to be experienced in a club environment. So my recommendation would be: aim to see The Japanese Popstars live, then the album will probably take on a whole new feel afterwards. A similar thing happened to me with Digitalism a few years ago; tracks like Pogo and Jupiter Room had intoxicated my brain with German electro goodness, but I'd been fairly cool on the rest of their album Idealism until I saw them live at Reading 07, a highly spiritual experience that made me enjoy the record a lot more from then on as listening to each track evoked the buzz of the live performance. That's how I see We Just Are: bit boring in mp3 form, probably very WOW live. Check out their tour dates, if they're playing near you then I'd definitely recommend trying to catch them live: http://www.myspace.com/thejapanesepopstars

Seeing as I've dealt with We Just Are fairly quickly, I'll tag on a proposal of what you should be pumping out your stereo's speakers instead. Bassline has for a long time been an object of scorn in my eyes, for two key reasons: 1) I don't carry a flick-knife, and 2) I don't own a modified Citroen Saxo. If you catch my drift. Despite spending a considerable amount of time in the bassline capital of the world, Sheffield, I've never felt the urge to attend any Niche nights, generally because my finest stab-proof vest coincidentally always seems to be in the wash when they're on. Shame. Instead I've tended to plump for the watered-down version of bassline, wonky fidget house, as pioneered by the likes of Jack Beats, Martelo, and various other inhabitants of Hervé's Cheap Thrills imprint and beyond. They make music that's acceptable for the middle-class young adults of Great Britain to bounce around the room like chimps to, safe in the knowledge that they can flail along to the wobbling basslines as much as they like without fearing to meet the eye of anyone else in the room.

I still wouldn't be first in line at a bassline or speed garage night, but my opinion of the music itself has rocketed in the space of the past day. This is because for once, I actually listened to some bassline. Proper bassline, courtesy of Rinse 05, mixed by Paleface. All of the Rinse series is great, and as this particular mix was actually released in the middle of 2008 I probably shudda trusted the Rinsers and acquired this record sooner, but it was just that tag stopping me: bassline. I already had Ministry of Sound's The Sound of Bassline compilation, but had never been fully captivated by some of the rather cheesy pop stuff on there (it's got the likes of What's It Gonna Be and Heartbroken on it). I was drawn to the Rinse 05 mix, however, because I'd been noticing Paleface cropping up quite a bit in association with the "UK Funky" scene (he's one of the cousinz in Crazy Cousinz - see Songs I'm Currently Loving), and felt a bit of bassline might shake me from my We Just Are-induced stupor (that's a wee bit mean, it really is a good album). Upon listening to the Rinse mix, I noticed something:

IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD!!!

Paleface rinses (ahem) no less than 40 tracks in the space of just under 80 minutes, showcasing some wonderful skittering beats and bouncing bass, as well as elements of grime and R&B (the suitably underground-sounding stuff, no Heartbroken here), which leave you wanting to do nothing more than dance around wearing a monkey suit on a trampoline for 72 hours straight, fuelled by gallons of Red Bull (that's the strongest stimulate they do at bassline nights, right?). Paleface's mix also incorporates much of the tribal afrobeat reminiscent of UK Funky that had lured me in in the first place, and with each track tending to get no more than a minute and a half blast before the next tune begins it's wobbling bass onslaught, this mix really keeps you bopping your head, shoulders, knees and toes. I've reached the conclusion that bassline is probably the most fun music genre out there - although I don't think I'll be rushing down to Sheffield's (newly reopened) Niche club to share my findings with the other clientele any time soon.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Having given We Just Are fairly short shrift and established that bassline is the greatest thing in the world, all that's left to do now is sit back and let the otherworldly powers of the iTunes shuffle function select the next random album to be reviewed. Fingers crossed, eh?

.........

Oh Christ on a bike. I've listened to this album pretty much not at all, this is gonna be tough.

JEGA - VARIANCE

We're talking ambient IDM electroscapes here people, a bit Boards of Canada/Boxcutter-esque. I think. Like I said, I haven't really listened to it, so I'm basing these descriptions on the brief snippets of the tracks that I'm scrabbling through now. I'm not really sure why I have this album to be honest, I've really not paid it much attention at all, ever. Oh well, I'm sure it's good. It sounds like it could be good.

Here's a sampler:

Jega - Soulflute

(It took ages on this shitty internet connection to upload the 'songs I'm currently loving' to mediafire and I can't be arsed to now upload the actual soulflute mp3, and you're just gonna have to learn to live with that)

Songs I'm Currently Loving:

• Les Gillettes - Pompeii - Erol-approved slice of infectious electro house, sure to be heard on many a dancefloor in the coming months
• Paleface & Kyla - Do You Mind (Crazy Cousinz Remix) - I'm rather reluctant to use the term 'UK Funky' for this upcoming musical style as it's biologically impossible for a white person to use the word 'funky' in any situation and emerge with any shred of coolness, but this is a tuuuuune *makes 'T' sign with hands*
• Army of the Pharaohs - Dump The Clip - Old-Skool East Coast hip-hop gem
• Fuckpony - Orgasm On The Dancefloor Saturday - I find it beyond comprehension that anyone could look at the combination of words in this artist/track's name and not think "YES. THIS IS WHAT I NEED".
• Bibio - Sugarette (Wax Stag Remix) - The Hardcore and The Gentle favourite Bibio released a follow up to the excellent Ambivalence Avenue the other week, including a few new songs and remixes of tracks from AA. Guess what? Yeh, that's right. This track's one of 'em.
• Pom Pom - Untitled 06 - It seems to be the case in the electronic music world these days that the zanier the name, the more brilliant it is. All of the tracks on Pom Pom's album are untitled, and they're all wicked.
• Jogger - Nephicide - Jogger's debut album This Great Pressure was released last week, and as Alan Hansen might say, it's pretty tasty. This track is completely bonkers, and sounds like what I'd imagine Deftones, Squarepusher and Fionn Regan having an orgy would sound like, with Daedelus videotaping. Which of course is a good thing. And I checked - 'nephicide' doesn't mean murdering your nephew. You know you were thinking it too.

Now it's time to hand out The Hardcore and The Gentle's 'Props of the Week' awards, with props this time going to Monsieur Jack Opus for the heads up on Sbtrkt, and Turnado for the low-down on Chainsaw Calligraphy during Gaslamp Killer's set at Thrasher the other weekend.

• TJR - Just Gets Better (Sbtrkt Remix)
• 16Bit - Chainsaw Calligraphy - This song throws you over it's knee and proceeds to spank the living daylights out of you, ignoring your squeals and squirming and telling you to "take it like a bitch". Or, at least, that's how it seems to me. And I bloody love it.