Saturday, 15 August 2009

We Love The Program

The past two weeks of my life have revolved around the following song:

That was the anthem that greeted me, along with my girlfriend Amber and a handful of other bemused Englishmen and women, as we marched in to the small Curzon cinema in Eastbourne roughly 2 weeks ago, before we were presented to the blank-faced German kids that we were to be teaching for the next fortnight. Yellow 'JM' flags in our hands, grins fixed to our faces and our shame well and truly around our ankles, we strode in to the cinema, and to this day I'm still unsure as to whether we were ushering in the latest pogrom - sorry -
programme of English teaching, or the Fourth Reich. When Jurgen Matthes (of 'JM' fame) himself addressed the thoroughly un-bright eyed and un-bushy tailed crowd of German kinder, I'm unsure if Leni Riefenstahl was in fact busy at the back with her little camera, but one thing's for sure - we were mindlessly marching to the beat of the JM drum, and loving the programme as we did so. Non-lovers of the programme were, presumably, sent away to JM's 'alternative holiday camp', where they couldn't polute the minds of the rest of the children with their ungerman ways.

If you're just not that in to me describing minor events in my life in a borderline-racist way (the use of 'borderline' there is purely for aesthetic purposes - it is clearly fully racist to pick upon miniscule elements of a German organisation that may be slightly odd, and then blow them out of proportion with the result being a direct comparison between said organisation and the Nazi Party circa 1933. Please don't think badly of JM English school - this should restore some of their credibility: I apologise for that ridiculously long use of brackets, it's kinda defeated the point of having brackets, as the bracketed stuff was much longer than the actual sentence it was supposed to be supplementing. I'll just start the sentence again: If you're just not that in to me describing minor events in my life in a borderline-racist way, then that last paragraph won't have been for you. It won't have been up your street. It won't have floated your boat. It won't have tickled your fancy. It won't have buttered your arse. And for that I apologise. I haven't actually got anything else to offer by way of recompense, other than a selection of songs to download, but I apologise nonetheless.

Now for the part of the blog that recently stormed to success in the 'Best Part of a Blog' category in The Webbys, and has been praised by such blogging aficionados as Goran Ivanisevic and the Big Cook from CBBC's 'Big Cook Little Cook'. That's right, it's:

Songs I'm Currently Loving:

Needless to say, with this post this blog has now outdone itself in terms of half-arsed and badly written blogging. The first two posts were bad, but this is truly dreadful. Just look at it - I start telling what could have happily developed in to a feisty little story, full of humour and little anecdotes about my teaching experience, but instead turns in to unimaginative comparisons between current day Germany and Nazi Germany, before cutting off the story completely with a paragraph so bad that it actually repeats the opening line twice, and descends in to a list of alternate phrases for 'it won't have been up your street'. For the more beady-eyed among you, you might have noticed that this is the second post in succession that has turned in to rambling, self-deprecating tosh, and I truly intend to deliver some blogging of better quality from now on. Can we fix it? Well, to paraphrase President Barack Obama of the United States of America: "We can, yes."

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